Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
