I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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