I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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