i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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