Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
