Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
