Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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