turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
