I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
