Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
