oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We have started to decorate penises.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
