HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
