I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
