It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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