Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
