She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
