dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
