Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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