It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
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