Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
