dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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