she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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