I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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