She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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