I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
