i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
