you're like a bully in the Christmas story
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just pee around me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
