I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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