You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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