can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
