I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
