Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
