cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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