If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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