Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
