I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
