dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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