I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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