fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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