Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
