i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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