Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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