I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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