if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
