shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
