I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
