You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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