No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
