I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
