I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
